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Today, my heart bleeds and soul weeps…hopelessly. They have seen enough, screamed enough.
I…am sorry.
I’m sorry, my little daughter, for bringing you into this world…a world where you’d be harshly judged, branded and hated if you have a mind of your own…abused by strangers, friends or even guardians, if you aren’t lucky enough….or maybe even….R*#$D- I shudder at the thought of it!....All this… while we feminists and some sane men stand shouting our lungs out for equal rights. Equal rights? You must be kidding! What a HUGE fantasy! ‘Coz I, your own mother, have denied you your basic rights!
I’m sorry, my child, for not giving you the right to go out and explore nature, make new friends, talk to people and see the beauty of the world. I’m always too scared for you. I’m sorry for constantly bugging you to ‘be safe’ each time you step out…even if it’s just a few steps away from home. My heart knows I MEAN it with utmost sincerity and caution every single time! I’m sorry, baby, that you have to take the stairs every time you leave home, even from our fourth floor apartment, just because I want you to avoid the elevator ALONE….who knows there might be a predator lurking there! I’m sorry that I can allow you to ‘have fun’ only in places where I can ‘keep a watch’ on you, and that it gives me goosebumps, fearing the worst, if you take 10 minutes longer than usual to reach back home after play or a class. I’m sorry for bringing you up in my paranoid world….only I know why.
It’s a pity that I hug you with tears in my eyes…of fear, of guilt…when a certain Dr. Reddy is raped and burnt alive! I fear for you, my baby. God knows why. I’m sorry, my little daughter, a tiny part of my heart…that I wanted, rather prayed for a boy child, when ‘Nirbhaya’ happened and I was pregnant with you. I was shit scared of bringing you into this ugly, gross, predatory world…also hoping to give my son, if I had one, the training and upbringing to be a good human being, respectful of all, especially women, since they have been wronged so long! I hoped to give my tiny bit towards mending what’s so grossly wrong with our society! High hopes, perhaps!
I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
I’ve spent my life fearing the dark, fearing, and later distrusting men (a different species, perhaps…perhaps not) in my youth and now, when I’m not so young. It’s a pity that I fear for you…just a little innocent child…that I fear for my mother too, now old, if she ventures out after ‘safe time’. ‘Coz here, my darling, we are NOT SAFE! We live in a world of predators, and to be able to survive here, to not be raped or burnt alive, we need to HIDE. Hide, my child, don’t step out, don’t be heard, don’t be seen, and certainly DON’T ASSUME that you are a free human being, an equal citizen of this world. You are JUST A PREY waiting to be the food for some ugly predator’s gluttony for lust, violence and skewed sexual fantasies. PREY….no more, no less!
I’m sorry, my child. Run…run away…or...
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….HIDE!
Die, dear world, DIE OF SHAME!